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Poochee
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. Let’s talk about YouTube. (Cut to a montage of popular YouTube channels and videos) G-man (V.O): YouTube is home to many internet celebrities such as PewDiePie, Markplier, and Smosh. It showcases comedy videos, gaming videos, and topical videos. YouTube has it all! But then there’s the dark side of the site. Sure, there are strange videos such as Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared, Too Many Cooks, and I Feel Fantastic. But then there are those videos that are just plain creepy. And we’re taking a look at one today! (Cut to the Poochee and Pansy channel) This channel is called Poochee and Pansy, and it depicts two puppies named, what else? Poochee and Pansy! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Now, we’re going to take a look at every single video on this channel before going beyond it. So let’s go! (The first video starts) G-man (V.O): This first episode is about Poochee telling Pansy about a dream he had in which a kitten is locked in a tower and used to locate something called the Midnight Crown. Okay, seems normal enough… (Cut to later in the episode where Poochee and Pansy are at a location called Batwing Cave) Poochee: Look, I think I see Freddy the Firefly! (Cut to the entrance of the cave. A small yellow light is seen. This is presumably Freddy the Firefly) Freddy: Hey, Poochee! Hey, Pansy! It’s me, Freddy! I thought you guys could you use my help. Let me show you the way- (Mid-sentence, he is cut off by a jumpscare of a skull with one blue eye while a loud noise is heard. Cut back to the G-man screaming as he falls back out of his chair. After a while, he gets back up) G-man: What was that?! (Cut to a still-frame of the skull jumpscare) G-man (V.O): What is that thing? That is the literal stuff of nightmares! (Cut back to the G-man now in his usual spot) G-man: And that sets the tone for the rest of this review! Let’s move on to episode two! (Cut to the channel. Episode two is at the top of the video list) G-man (V.O): Huh? Why is episode two at the top? Let’s read the description… (Cut to episode two’s description) Let’s see… Poochee and Pansy, Part 2 remained online for over 4 years before being removed from YouTube with no prior warning, YouTube cited a "terms of service violation", though no reason was given, an appeal was made to restore the original upload and the appeal was rejected. (Cut back to the G-man looking confused) G-man: Well, then why the hell was it removed? Whatever, let’s just watch the episode. (Cut to a clip of episode two. It depicts Poochee with no eyes and Pansy with no mouth. Poochee is speaking nonsense) Poochee: Hey, Pansy- yeah- yeah, you're probably right- yeah- yeah- yeah, you're probably right- you're- yeah- y-r- yeah- you're prob-obably right- yeah-yeah--hey, Pa-Pan-ansy--yeah--y-r-y—right- (Throughout this scene, it cuts between the clip and a confused-looking G-man. When it ends, it cuts to a first-person of someone walking through an unknown and creepy room. The episode ends with a hooded and masked figure walking towards the camera and covering it with his gloved hand. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: …Yikes! Well, needless to say, the rest of these videos are like this. It starts out all innocent, and then goes into “Creepy” territory! Let’s take a look at episode three! Where I’m sure that- (Cut to said episode. The Witch appears) Witch: Welcome, Poochee! If you want to see your little girl friend alive again, you have to do exactly as I say! Just sit right where you are, and I'm going to come over there and take your eyes! (Cut back to the G-man, clearly horrified) G-man (In a really high voice): Jesus Christ! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O in his regular voice): Well after (Shows the Witch again) that, (The episode continues) The Witch makes Poochee a deal to save Pansy. If he ever wants to see Pansy again, then he’ll let her take his eyes. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Ironic, much? (Cut back to the episode. The Witch’s hand is reaching closer and closer to Poochee. But as it’s just an inch away, it cuts to a fan, and then to a phone making a beeping noise. The video cuts once again to a mannequin with a crying noise playing in the background. The video then cuts one more time to more sinister version of the opening screen with the words: “You are alone, but you do not know it” After that, the video ends and we cut back to the G-man looking very surprised) G-man: Whoa! That was… Mildly weird! Anyways, the next video on this channel isn’t an episode of the show, but it’s, and I’m quoting here: “A Special Announcement from Poochee and Pansy”. (Cut to the beginning of the video. A title card that says “An important announcement from Dolst Family Entertainment” is seen) G-man (V.O): Dolst Family Entertainment? (Shows a picture of Google) After a quick Google search, I found out that it doesn’t exist. (Back to the title card) So apparently, we’re to assume that the creator’s name is Dolst. (Shows Google translating Dolst) Which is a long version of dol, which means “Crazy”! (Cut to Poochee, Pansy, and the Witch at Puppy Hill) Poochee explains that what we see on TV is made up, and what’s in the real world is… Well… Real! But then… (The video takes an unnerving turn as Poochee and Pansy grow fangs and claws, and their eyes turn red. The Witch also becomes corrupt as she turns into the hooded figure from the second episode. It then cuts to random imagery, and then to text saying “You are alone” and “Trying to reach you”. It cuts to a red room with audio of a woman (Possibly a reporter) being heard in the background) Audio: This is the greatest mass extinction in Earth’s history. 96% of mobile homes disappearing off the face of the Earth. (We are then shown another montage if scary images, and then to a camera’s perspective of someone walking in building. When the person reaches the end of the hall, we’re shown another line of text that says “All dead”, and the video ends. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Oooookaaaaay… That’s enough of that! Anyway, the next video on this channel is a mix of English and Japanese for some reason, but there are subtitles to help us! (Cut to the episode. Poochee and Pansy are looking at a door) Poochee’s Subtitles: Pansy! Pansy’s Subtitles: What? Poochee’s Subtitles: It’s the kitten! Pansy’s Subtitles: Poochee, are you sure the kitten’s in there? (The camera turns around to reveal that Poochee has a human eye in place of his left eye) Poochee’s Subtitles: Yes. I see it with the Witch’s eye! (After a long shot of the door, we’re shown some animated distortion with the words “Cannot hide”. After that, we cut to icicles, and then to the words “FIND YOU”. We’re then shown a first-person P.O.V of someone walking in the snow until they encounter the same words in the snow. It then immediately cuts to the hooded figure reaching towards the camera. We are then shown more icicles, and then the text:) G-man (V.O): “Everyone in your world is dead but you? Only you exist”? (Cut back to the G-man with Tattletail on his desk) G-man: What if I show it Tattletail? Is he dead or not? Tattletail: Tattletail! That’s me! G-man: Good for you! (He pats Tattletail’s head) Anyway, part five begins with- (Cut to the beginning of the fifth Poochee and Pansy episode. And immediately, it shows the cloaked figure) CF: You can’t hide! (Cut back to the G-man looking shocked) G-man: And right off the bat, I’m terrified! (Cut back to the episode. The title is censored) G-man (V.O): So is the title a swear word? I don’t get it, what’s going on? (The video cuts to some disturbing imagery, and then a long shot of a basement. Then it cuts to the hooded man spazzing out. Then the episode finally begins) G-man (V.O): So Poochee and Pansy find the kitten, and after staring at for a while, you guessed it! More disturbing imagery! (The video then shows Poochee sitting in a field with an image of his scary version flashing on the screen. He reiterates his lines from the special announcement video, but it’s changed a bit) Poochee: Remember: What’s on TV is real. When you go outside and look at the rest of the world, that’s what’s make-believe! (After it ends, we cut back to the G-man) G-man: Now, what’s the next episode called? (Cut to episode six. The title card says “Message from the…”, and then the rest is censored. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wait, it looks like they weren’t quick enough to censor the final word. What did it say? (Cut back to the episode, the title now says “Message from the Gangadiddle”. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: What the hell is “Gangadiddle”? Let’s watch the episode. Maybe they’ll explain. (Cut back to the episode. Poochee is reading a scroll) Poochee: It says it’s from the Gan- (Before he says who it’s from, the video becomes corrupt and it cuts to a white robotic-looking thing with robotic claws for limbs and a grey interface, Cut back and forth to the Gangadiddle and a surprised G-man) G-man (Audio dubbed by Gunnery Sargent Hartman from Full Metal Jacket): Holy Jesus! What is that? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! (Cut back to a still-frame of the Gangadiddle) G-man (V.O): Seriously, Is that the Gangadiddle? That’s horrifying! (Disturbing clips from the video plays) And the rest of the video is as equally scary! There’s this panda thing with moving eyes that’s already creepy, but then it gives us a screamer! (The video does so. It then cuts to text that says “You must find it to become FREE!”. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Now, let’s move on to the final episode of this channel; Episode seven! (Cut to episode seven. It depicts Poochee, Pansy, and the kitten sitting in a field. It cuts between the scene, and a confused G-man. Eventually, the kitten meows and we are shown yet another screamer. It cuts to text on a computer, and then back to the three with no faces, Poochee’s the only one with a mouth who reiterates his message about what’s on TV is real, and what’s in real life is fake. We are then shown more weird imagery, and then text that says “David’s mind traverses many parallels. His memories will help you”. We are then shown the letters “XRZ9hOUIFec”, and the video ends. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And that’s all the videos for the channel! To summarize, it’s pretty freaky! But let’s go beyond the channel. (Cut to the Gangadiddle’s channel) G-man (V.O): After an interview with the creator named Dolst, we learned that Poochee and Pansy was created to recruit players for an alternate reality game called the Hunt for the Gangadiddle. But I think this is over now for a few reasons. (Cuts to the title of a video on the Gangadiddle’s channel. It’s unlisted) For one, many of the videos on this channel are unlisted, and one the final videos on the channel is called “The Gangadiddle has Been Found”. (Cut to the video) Text: The Gangadiddle was neutralized. It was dispatched by Tomatogoatee on September 29th, 2012. His proximity to it ended the threat of its continued existence. (The video then changes to a happier, peaceful version of before) Text: The world is safe now. The isolated worlds have collapsed. (Cut to a white screen with text) Text: The people trapped in the isolated worlds are free now. Many never even knew they were imprisoned. Now that the Gangadiddle is no longer a threat, I will be returning home. Thank you, Hunters. You have saved lives, you have saved worlds. Congratulations on a job well done. (Cut to a black screen with text) Text: Nice work. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: So that was Poochee and Pansy! Sorry if it was a little disturbing. But to those who wanted this to be a kid’s show, we’ve got a solution! (Cut to the main page of the Poochee and Pansy Wiki) G-man (V.O): My good friend 998TheNewOrchestra and I created the Poochee and Pansy Wiki! It’s filled with loads of ideas on what it would be like if Poochee and Pansy was an actual kid’s show! I urge you to check it out! It’s a milestone! (Cut back to the G-man) G- man: Well, I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! Category:Episode